We all think of what we have as great

The idea behind this blog was to force myself to write--a skill I haven't been able to acquire--in order to feel more productive, and get used to the tasks of an academic. Perhaps I should write in my native language, it's more natural. My main difficulty has been translating feelings into coherent language. Since most of the time I can only relate to things emotionally, even when it comes to things such as history, politics, and art; I can not understand them unless they evoke strong feelings within me. I'm afraid I'm someone who can only learn or experience reality through feelings, which explains why I've never felt interested in mathematics or technology.

This is what I wanted to record today.

I remember when the English Patient won 9 academy awards back in early 1997. This movie, which is probably one of my favorite movies of all times, if it had been released a year later it might have never won anything at all, it would have been dismissed as just another film. The point is that everything in life is ruled by chance, everything happens only if a number of things come together or happen at the same time, or everything could be totally transformed by minute details, which means that we can chance the entire course of our existence with one step to the right or left. I know, the example above is rather pathetic, but it explains how random life is. Sometimes I feel that I appeared at the wrong time, or that I wasn't meant to be here at all, maybe it is not my fault I never win the first prize, maybe I'm just in the wrong time and place. Those who are chosen, maybe are so because no one else was around to compete with them, and expose their lack of significance and their superficiality.

No One's Dream

That's me.

C'est moi.

Right now, I only exist, neither for someone nor myself. I just exist.

I have no answers, I'm just inundated with reactions like those of someone banging against iron gates, trying to open them. The emotions inside crash against me like the ocean against the rocky shore. unfortunately, I'm not made of rock.

The fact that I don't do what most people do seems to imply that I'm not as human as the others are. I know, I'm completely outside the fringes of dominant culture. I haven't been socialized, normalized, and exposed to the conventions of this adorable civilization. I know that I don't watch the latest Hollywood films every weekend, or listen to the newest rap albums, or wear a particular style of clothing, travel, play video games, or drink every friday night.


I feel like an unfinished painting, waiting to be completed and then exhibited at some prestigious gallery near you.

Das Zeitalter der Entdeckugen

Once you understand that our existence is a continuous history of loss. Nothing lasts forever, everything is ephemeral. Life acts as a furious engine that never stops. We lose everything as we try to gain, as we try to live, and decipher its meaning. We lose our youth, innocence, vitality, idealism, material possessions, loves come and go, or never come at all, relatives leave us, culture changes, and the old planet keeps aging as we forget to love it.

This idea is very pragmatic, but it's a strong mechanism to cope with the innate cruelties of nature and life. Its pragmatism gives you some sort of immunity; you will suffer less, or at least cry less.

tragically, I'm such a idealist.

Regretting